It’s hard living with someone else. It doesn’t matter if it’s a partner, a spouse, another freshman in the dorms or a roommate you met online. It’s a relationship like any other. And like any relationship, some just aren’t meant to go the distance.
The hope is always that you’ll communicate and work out any problems you have before it ever gets this far, but that doesn’t always happen. Sometimes relationships can become toxic by the end. And when that happens, it’s difficult for both parties involved. Here are the signs your roommate doesn’t like you.
1. Cutting off communication
This is one of the big signs your roommate doesn’t like you. When you two stop speaking, or even worse, when all communication comes in the form of a terse text message or a sticky note on the fridge, that’s good indication the relationship is either dead or dying.
2. What a mess
If you’re sharing a home, you need to share the responsibilities of maintaining that home. Sometimes it means maintaining the water heater. But it always means keeping your home neat and tidy. A messy desk is one thing (the sign of a genius, even!). And you can forgive a messy room. But not so much when that mess creeps out of your bedroom and into your shared space like the bathrooms, living room or worse, the kitchen. Keep your kitchens clean!
3. Who ate my creamy all-natural almond butter?
Is your roommate eating your food, deleting your shows from the DVR or even wearing your clothes without your permission? Talk it out before they delete all those reruns of “Say Yes To The Dress” you’ve been saving for a rainy Sunday.
4. The invisible roommate
If your roommate is never there, it could mean one of two things: Either they lead a busy and full life and aren’t home much or they’re not home much because they’re actively avoiding you.
5. They follow the trail
Can your roommate track your movements by the trail of chaos and mess you leave behind? Shoes by the door, clothes on the couch, dirty pots and pans on the stove and a messy bathroom all lead to one riled up roomie.
6. Feeling your inner Felix Unger
On the other side of the coin, if you’re a neat freak who disinfects the remote and follows people around with a dustpan while reminding them to use a coaster, you won’t win any popularity contests, either. Being neat is great. Being a neat freak isn’t.
7. Tummy time!
Do you hang out all day sitting naked on the couch? Do you work and sleep in your roommate’s bed? These behaviors are acceptable only if you’re a dog. Are you a dog? Bad roommate! Very bad roommate!
8. Is it the first already?
Pay your half of the rent on time. Every month. No exceptions. If you come up short, or if you’ll need help paying your half, tell your roommate early. Waiting ’til the last minute or even worse, flaking out altogether, is how you make a roommate an ex-roommate.
9. Do you smell that?
Can you remember the last time it was “your turn” to take out the trash? If you’re stomping on the trash trying to pack it down, odds are you’re not winning any popularity contests.
There’s confiding, and there’s chronic oversharing. Sure, as roommates, you’re expected to share some stuff, but not everything. Some details are better kept to yourself.
11. That looks fun…I guess
No one expects you to have all of the same interests. You may have some stuff in common. That’s part of the reason you’re living together. But if you’re putting down someone’s interests or insulting their favorite reality show, that’s just a jerk move.
12. Overnight guests
No one says you can’t have a partner spend the night, but if your significant other is over a lot (like A LOT), be discreet and respectful. Being kept awake all night by the headboard banging against your shared wall won’t win you any popularity contests.
13. Oh, did I wake you?
Just because you “don’t get tired until late” doesn’t mean anyone living in your home should have to stay awake. It’s fine if one of you is a night owl and the other is an early bird. But keeping the lights on and blasting the TV at 3 a.m. on a Wednesday isn’t cool.
Hogging the bathroom, using all the hot water, leaving your makeup all over the vanity or not cleaning out the sink after you shave isn’t only inconsiderate and gross. It’s also just bad hygiene. And if you use all the toilet paper, replace the dang roll. It’s not hard!
15. Your only habits are bad habits
If your roommate isn’t a smoker and complains the furniture and the carpet smells like your cigarettes, it’s a sign your roommate doesn’t like you. You need to take your ashtray outside or take your stuff to another house.
16. Vicious recycle
If your city or town collects recycling, you need to sort all your recyclables. Paper and plastic in one bin. Glass in another. If you think, “Eh, they’ll do it when they collect it,” when you bring everything out to the curb (you ARE bringing out the recycling, right?), you’re wrong. They won’t. And it’s not winning you any friends.
17. Molting and revolting
Personal hygiene is for the bathroom. Not the living room or the kitchen. So, when your hair gets all over the furniture and floors, no one thinks of it as a reminder of your presence. Also, no one wants to see you clipping your toenails on the coffee table. Take that mess to your room!
18. It’s not my fault!
And nothing ever is. If you’re not taking responsibility for your own actions, your roommate will want to take your keys back. Owning your actions is a part of adulthood, and hiding behind excuses and sob stories is what children do. The milk didn’t go bad because it was angry at you. It went bad because you left it on the kitchen table and it sat out all day.
19. I’m sorry you feel that way
You’re quick with a non-apology apology. When you finally realize you did something wrong, do you accept the consequences of your actions and try to make peace? Or, do you say what you think the other person wants to hear?
20. So funny I forgot to laugh
You think you’re hilarious, so why does every joke land with a silent thud? If every attempt at levity results in an indifferent eye roll, it might be time to take a step back.
21. Huh? You say something?
Maybe you don’t have a terrible roommate. Maybe they even try to include you in events and activities, inviting you to come along tubing down a lazy river or to an improv show. And maybe while you appreciate the gesture, it’s not really your scene. But instead of saying that, you ignore their invitations and sit on your couch staring at your phone. If you’re actively ignoring and not engaging, those offers of friendship will dry up.
22. Au naturale
The human body is a beautiful thing. But your roommate doesn’t want to see yours. Wear a towel or a robe when you’re coming out of the bathroom. And when there’s a roommate situation happening, pants are NEVER optional.
23. What’s that in your mouth? Drop it! Drop it!
Sometimes roommates come as a team with a pet. But when there’s an animal in the house, there should be rules and repercussions. If your dog got into your roommate’s bathroom and destroyed everything, you’re responsible. And if you don’t take responsibility, you’ll have to take your stuff and go.
24. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry
You won’t get along with everyone you meet. And not all people are a good match. But if your roomie gets easily annoyed or angry, it’s a good sign your roommate doesn’t like you. Why live with someone who brings out the worst in you? Why bring out the worst in each other?
25. You’re just different people
Sometimes in life, you’re going to meet people you just don’t like and who don’t like you. Neither of you was offensive or rude or inconsiderate. Not everyone was meant to live together. And some relationships are better off being short term arrangements and ending peacefully.
How to handle roommate problems
If you see signs your roommate doesn’t like you, try to talk it out calmly and respectfully.
Roommates will bicker and annoy each other. It’s bound to happen in any dynamic. And no one is saying you have to be best friends. Most of us weren’t that lucky in the freshman dorms. But that doesn’t mean you can’t find some things to bond over…like a peaceful home, bad reality TV and not leaving dirty dishes in the sink overnight.